How to Reach Out to an Old Friend

Cindy Ellis - July 25, 2024

Reaching out to an old friend can seem impossible, and many of us may find this awkward or intimidating to do. However, reconnecting with an old friend is a wonderful way to let someone know you were thinking about them and to bring someone you care about back into your life. Our article gives you our top tips on reaching out to an old friend, including finding the proper contact information for them, and how to approach your first contact.

Reasons to Connect With an Old Friend

There are plenty of reasons to connect with an old friend, with the first being that you simply miss their company. Growing apart from people is something that we all experience at one point or another, though you don’t have to let things stay this way. Instead, you can find your old friend’s contact information and reach out.

You may need to resolve any conflicts and speak with your friend to determine if they would like to rebuild your relationship, but there is never anything lost by trying to connect and create a healthy relationship with someone you were previously close with.

How Can I Find My Old Friend’s Contact Information?

Figuring out your old friend’s contact information is the first step in reconnecting with them. There are a few different easy ways to ensure you have the right contact info before you reach out to an old friend.

Social Media

Social media can be a very helpful way to reconnect with an old friend or find their contact information online so you can message or call them. With social media, you may already be connected to an old friend, or you may need to search for their name to find their profile. From there, you can send them a message or gather their information to contact them offline.

Mutual Friends and Family

Speaking with mutual friends and family is a great way to double-check the contact information you have for an old friend or to discover their new contact information. Ask around for your old friend’s details with mutual friends and family, but be aware the news that you are asking about an old friend might get back to them before you have a chance to collect yourself and reach out.

People Search Tools

People search tools are a very convenient way to find an old friend’s contact information, as all you need is their name and location. You can put these details in the search and then review the information to find phone numbers, email addresses, and more. Use this information to contact your old friend.

How to Reach Out to Your Old Friend

Opening a line of communication with an old friend can seem a little awkward or even intimidating at first. However, reaching out to an old friend doesn’t have to be weird, awkward, or stressful. Simply keep in mind that you are trying to reconnect and letting things play out as they will – lots of stress, forcing your friend to communicate with you, or insisting you and your friend go right back to old times is likely to backfire and make it more difficult to reconnect and rebuild your relationship.

Keep an Open Mind

Keeping an open mind is a key first step in reaching out to your old friend. Time changes all of us, and depending on how long it has been since you and your old friend talked, you may both lead significantly different lives from when you were friends previously. You may find that you don’t get along as well as you did with your friend or that you have grown out of your compatibility. On the other hand, you may find that you form an even stronger relationship once you get to talking again.

Keeping an open mind and setting realistic expectations helps you prepare properly for any situation you might encounter with your old friend.

Be Respectful

Respect is the key to virtually every relationship you may have, and you should be respectful of your old friend’s wishes. They may not want to talk to you, or they may only want to catch up via text message or social media. Whatever the case, make sure you respect your old friend’s boundaries after reaching out to them, and keep in mind to be aware of your own boundaries when it comes to communication and rekindling your relationship.

Work Through Issues

If you and your old friend stopped talking because of a conflict or falling out, you may need to work through that issue and clear the air before you can resume talking. An honest conversation where you both explain your sides, discuss your feelings, and aim to put the conflict behind you can help to get you and your old friend back on track to restart your relationship.

When you have this conversation with your old friend, remember to avoid being accusatory and to keep a clear head as you work through the issues. This can prevent the argument from starting again. Remember, you are speaking with your friend to try and repair your relationship, not make things worse.

Share Memories

It can feel a little awkward at first when you start talking with an old friend, especially if it has been quite a while since you last spoke. Sharing memories and fun times that the two of you shared can help rekindle familiar feelings and allow you two to start talking naturally again. These shared memories are a great way to start a conversation and transition into talking again on a regular basis.

Make Plans

After reconnecting with your old friend, the next step is to make plans with them. We recommend keeping it simple at first, asking your friend out for coffee or for a quick lunch date. You can even take a walk together and bring any pets along on your walk. Start slow and give your friend space, or take your own space as needed as you navigate a new start to your friendship.

What If My Old Friend Doesn’t Want to Talk to Me?

It is totally possible that the old friend you reach out to doesn’t want to reconnect or speak with you – relationships can dwindle for many reasons, and sometimes, people are happier with their lives now and do not want to rekindle a relationship despite the many good memories you may have had together in the past.

If your old friend doesn’t want to talk to you or indicates that you should leave them alone, then you need to do just that. You will not do yourself any favors by harassing your old friends or by begging them to talk to you. Instead, you should give your old friend space, tell them to reach out if they ever feel like it, and move on with your life. You can treasure the memories you have with your old friends without needing to reconnect with them.

What Do I Do If I Can’t Find Information On My Old Friend?

Sometimes, it can be difficult to find information on your old friend, especially if they have a somewhat private life and refrain from social media. If you absolutely can’t find any information on an old friend, even from local property records, you may need to check obituaries or other news sources, as unfortunate as that may be.

If you still can’t find information on your old friend from these sources, you may simply need to keep an eye out for your old friend to resurface so you can reach out to them.

Reconnecting With Your Loved Ones

Reaching out to an old friend can feel fairly stressful and anxiety-inducing, but the reality is that speaking with an old friend after a long pause in your relationship can be welcome and refreshing. For many people, reconnecting with an old friend gives them a way to build their community and potentially work through issues that caused conflict, leading to a healthier relationship going forward.

We recommend always having an open mind when reaching out to an old friend and never trying to force closeness or your company on an old friend who indicates they are not interested in rekindling your relationship. Respect, openness, and a willingness to restart is key to reconnecting with your loved ones.